子浪小说

第35部分（第4页）

principle　of　cruelty。

However　her　pity　might　give　way　for　moments；　she　was　hard　and

cold　as　a　jewel。　He　must　be　put　off　from　her；　she　must　sleep

alone。　She　made　him　a　bed　in　the　small　room。

And　he　lay　there　whipped；　his　soul　whipped　almost　to　death；

yet　unchanged。　He　lay　in　agony　of　suffering；　thrown　back　into

unreality；　like　a　man　thrown　overboard　into　a　sea；　to　swim　till

he　sinks；　because　there　is　no　hold；　only　a　wide；　weltering

sea。

He　did　not　sleep；　save　for　the　white　sleep　when　a　thin　veil

is　drawn　over　the　mind。　It　was　not　sleep。　He　was　awake；　and　he

was　not　awake。　He　could　not　be　alone。　He　needed　to　be　able　to

put　his　arms　round　her。　He　could　not　bear　the　empty　space

against　his　breast；　where　she　used　to　be。　He　could　not　bear　it。

He　felt　as　if　he　were　suspended　in　space；　held　there　by　the　grip

of　his　will。　If　he　relaxed　his　will　would　fall；　fall　through

endless　space；　into　the　bottomless　pit；　always　falling；

will…less；　helpless；　non…existent；　just　dropping　to　extinction；

falling　till　the　fire　of　friction　had　burned　out；　like　a　falling

star；　then　nothing；　nothing；　plete　nothing。

He　rose　in　the　morning　grey　and　unreal。　And　she　seemed　fond

of　him　again；　she　seemed　to　make　up　to　him　a　little。

〃I　slept　well；〃　she　said；　with　her　slightly　false　brightness。

〃Did　you？〃

〃All　right；〃　he　answered。

He　would　never　tell　her。

For　three　or　four　nights　he　lay　alone　through　the　white

sleep；　his　will　unchanged；　unchanged；　still　tense；　fixed　in　its

grip。　Then；　as　if　she　were　revived　and　free　to　be　fond　of　him

again；　deluded　by　his　silence　and　seeming　acquiescence；　moved

also　by　pity；　she　took　him　back　again。

Each　night；　in　spite　of　all　the　shame；　he　had　waited　with

agony　for　bedtime；　to　see　if　she　would　shut　him　out。　And　each

night；　as；　in　her　false　brightness；　she　said　Good　night；　he　felt

he　must　kill　her　or　himself。　But　she　asked　for　her　kiss；　so

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