佚名nymous
After22yearsofmarriage,Ivediscoveredthesecrettokeeingloveandintimacyaliveinmyrelationshiwithmywife,Peggy:Istarteddatinganotherwoman。
ItwasPeggysidea,actually。“Youknowyouloveher,”shesaidoneday,takingmebysurrise。“Lifeistooshort。Youneedtosendtimewiththeeoleyoulove。Yourobablywontbelieveme,butIthinkthatifthetwoofyousendmoretimetogether,itwillmakeuscloser。”
The“otherwoman”mywifewasencouragingmetodateismymother,a72-year-oldwidowwhohaslivedalonesincemyfatherdied20yearsago。Rightafterhisdeath,Imoved2,500milesawaytoCaliforniaandstartedmyownfamilyandcareer。WhenImovedbacknearmyhometownsixyearsago,IromisedmyselfthatIwouldsendmoretimewithMom。Butwiththedemandsofmyjobandthreekids,Inevergotaroundtoseeinghermuchbeyondfamilyget-togethersandholidays。
Shewassurrisedandsusicious,then,whenIcalledandsuggestedthetwoofusgoouttodinnerandamovie。“Whatswrong?”sheasked。Mymotherthinksanythingoutoftheordinarysignalsbadnews。
“Ithoughtitwouldbenicetosendsometimewithyou,”Isaid,“Justthetwoofus。”
“Idlikethatalot,”sherelied。
AsIdrovetoherhouse,Iactuallyhadacaseofredatejitters!Whatwouldwetalkabout?WhatifshedidntliketherestaurantIchose?
WhenIulledintoherdriveway,shewaswaitingbythedoorwithhercoaton。Herhairwascurled,andshewassmiling。“ItoldmyladyfriendsIwasgoingoutwithmyson,andtheywereallimressed,”shesaidasshegotintomycar。“Theycantwaittohearaboutourevening。”
Wedidntgoanywherefancy,justaneighborhoodlacewherewecouldtalk。Mymotherclutchedmyarm,halfoutofaffectionandhalftohelhernegotiatetherestaurantstes。
Wehadanicetalkoverdinner。Nothingearthshattering,justcatchinguwitheachotherslives。Wetalkedforsolongthatwemissedthemovie。
“Illgooutwithyouagain,”mymothersaidasIdroedheroff,“butonlyifyouletmebuydinnernexttime。”Iagreed。
“Howwasyourdate?”mywifeaskedwhenIgothomethatevening。
“Nice……nicerthanIthoughtitwouldbe,”Isaid。Shesmiledhertoldyousosmile。
MomandIgooutfordinneracouleoftimesamonth。Sometimeswetakeinamovie,butmostlywetalk。ItellheraboutmytrialsatworkandbragaboutthekidsandPeggy。
Momfillsmeinonfamilygossiandtellsmeaboutherast。NowIknowwhatitwaslikeforhertoworkinafactoryduringWorldWarII。Iknowhowshemetmyfatherthere,andhowtheynurturedatrolleycarcourtshithroughthosedifficulttimes。Icantgetenoughofthesestories。Theyareimortanttome,aartofmyhistory。
Wealsotalkaboutthefuture。Becauseofhealthroblems,mymotherworriesaboutthedaysahead。“Ihavesomuchlivingtodo,”shetoldmeonce。“Ineedtobetherewhilemygrandchildrengrowu。Idontwanttomissanyofit。”
Likemanybabyboomers,ItendtofillmycalendartothebrimasIstruggletofitfamily,careerandfriendshisintomylife。Ioftencomlainabouthowquicklytimeflies。SendingtimewithmyMomhastaughtmetheimortanceofslowingdown。
Peggywasright。Datinganotherwomanhasheledmymarriage。
与妻子佩姬结婚22年了,我发现使我们爱情真挚长久的秘诀是:我开始约会“另一位女人”。
这实际是佩姬的主意。“你明明知道你爱她,”一天,妻子对我说,我大吃一惊,“生命如此短暂,一定要与你爱的人共度。你也许不相信我的话,可是我觉得如果你俩共度更多的时光,会使我们的关系更融洽。”
妻子鼓励我约会的“另一位女人”就是我的母亲,一位72岁的寡妇。自从20年前父亲死后,她就一直一个人生活。父亲去世不久,我就搬到了2500英里外的加州,成家并开创了自己的事业。六年前我搬回家乡附近,希望能有更多时间陪母亲。但因为工作繁忙,还要照顾三个年幼的孩子,除了家人聚会和节假日外,我从没其他时间去看望母亲。
我给她打电话,提出和她一块儿出去吃晚饭,然后看电影时,她惊讶不已,甚至有些怀疑,问我:“发生什么事情了?”母亲认为非正常的信息多会带来坏消息。
“我就是想和您开开心心地聚一聚,”我说,“就我们俩。”
“我很高兴接受你的邀请。”她答道。
在开车前往母亲家的路上,我的确有种赴约前的紧张不安感。我们该谈论些什么话题呢?要是她不喜欢我选的餐馆怎么办呢?
当我把车开到她家车道时,她已穿好外套站在门口等我了。她卷了头发,微笑着:“我和朋友们说我要和儿子出去玩,她们都为我高兴。”她边上车边说,“她们都急不可待地想听我和你聚会的事情呢。”
我们没去高档饭店,只就近选了一家适合聊天的餐馆。母亲挽着我的胳膊,这样既表现出母子情深,同时也能帮她迈过饭店的台阶。
吃饭时我们谈得很开心。没谈论什么大事,都是生活中的一些琐碎小事儿。我们谈了很长时间,竟然连电影都没赶上。
“我还想和你一起出来,”下车时,母亲说,“不过,下次你得让我埋单。”我答应了。
“你们的约会怎样?”那天回到家后,妻子问我。
“非常好……比我想象中的好多了。”我说。妻子笑了,那笑中分明有“我说得没错吧”的意味。
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