MarkTwain
Incomliancewiththerequestofafriendofmine,whowrotemefromtheEast,Icalledongood-natured,garrulousoldSimonWheeler,andinquiredaftermyfriend&aos;sfriend,LeonidasW。
Smiley,asrequestedtodo,andIhereuntoaendtheresult。IhavealurkingsusicionthatLeonidasW。Smileyisamyth;thatmyfriendneverknewsuchaersonage;andthatheonlyconjecturedthatifIaskedoldWheelerabouthim,itwouldremindhimofhisinfamousJimSmiley,andhewouldgotoworkandboremetodeathwithsomeexaseratingreminiscenceofhimaslongandastediousasitshouldbeuselesstome。Ifthatwasthedesign,itsucceeded。
IfoundSimonWheelerdozingcomfortablybythebarroomstoveofthedilaidatedtaverninthedecayedminingcamofAngel&aos;s,andInoticedthathewasfatandbald-headed,andhadanexressionofwinninggentlenessandsimlicityuonhistranquilcountenance。Herousedu,andgavemegoodday。ItoldhimafriendofminehadcommissionedmetomakesomeinquiriesaboutacherishedcomanionofhisboyhoodnamedLeonidasW。Smiley-Rev。LeonidasW。Smiley,ayoungministeroftheGosel,whohehadheardwasatonetimearesidentofAngel&aos;sCam。IaddedthatifMr。WheelercouldtellmeanythingaboutthisRev。LeonidasW。Smiley,Iwouldfeelundermanyobligationstohim。
SimonWheelerbackedmeintoacornerandblockadedmetherewithhischair,andthensatdownandreeledoffthemonotonousnarrativewhichfollowsthisaragrah。Heneversmiled,heneverfrowned,heneverchangedhisvoicefromthegentle-flowingkeytowhichhetunedhisinitialsentence,heneverbetrayedtheslightestsusicionofenthusiasm;butallthroughtheinterminablenarrativethereranaveinofimressiveearnestnessandsincerity,whichshowedmelainlythat,sofarfromhisimaginingthattherewasanythingridiculousorfunnyabouthisstory,heregardeditasareallyimortantmatter,andadmireditstwoheroesasmenoftranscendentgeniusinfinesse。Ilethimgooninhisownway,andneverinterrrutedhimonce。
"Rev。LeonidasW。H&aos;m,ReverendLe-well,therewasafellerhereoncebythenameofJimSmiley,inthewinterof‘49-ormaybeitwasthesringof’50-Idon&aos;trecollectexactly,somehow,thoughwhatmakesmethinkitwasoneortheotherisbecauseIrememberthebigflumewarn&aos;tfinishedwhenhefirstcometothecam;butanyway,hewasthecuriousestmanaboutalwaysbettingonanythingthatturneduyoueversee,ifhecouldgetanybodytobetontheotherside;andifhecouldn&aos;the&aos;dchangesides。Anywaythatsuitedtheothermanwouldsuithim-anywayjustso&aos;shegotabet,hewassatisfied。Butstillhewaslucky,uncommonlucky;hemostalwayscomeoutwinner。Hewasalwaysreadyandlayingforachance;therecouldn&aos;tbenosolit&aos;rythingmentionedbutthatfeller&aos;doffertobetonit,andtakeanysideyoulease,asIwasjusttellingyou。Iftherewasahorse-race,you&aos;dfindhimflushoryou&aos;dfindhimbustedattheendofit;iftherewasadog-fight,he&aos;dbetonit;iftherewasacat-fight,he&aos;dbetonit;iftherewasachicken-fight,he&aos;dbetonit;why,iftherewastwobirdssettingonafence,hewouldbetyouwhichonewouldflyfirst;oriftherewasacam-meeting,hewouldbetherereg&aos;lartobetonParsonWalker,whichhejudgedtobethebestexhorterabouthere,andsohewastoo,andagoodman。Ifheevenseeastraddle-bugstarttogoanywheres,hewouldbetyouhowlongitwouldtakehimtogetto-towhereverhewasgoingto,andifyoutookhimu,hewouldfollerthatstraddle-bugtoMexicobutwhathewouldfindoutwherehewasboundforandhowlonghewasontheroad。LotsoftheboysherehasseenthatSmiley,andcantellyouabouthim。Why,itnevermadenodifferencetohim-he&aos;dbetonanything-thedangdestfeller。ParsonWalker&aos;swifelaidverysickonce,foragoodwhile,anditseemedasiftheywarn&aos;tgoingtosaveher;butonemorninghecomein,andSmileyuandaskedhimhowshewas,andhesaidshewasconsidablebetter-thanktheLordforhisinf&aos;nitmercy-andcomingonsosmartthatwiththeblessingofProv&aos;denceshe&aos;dgetwellyet;andSmiley,beforehethought,says,&aos;Well,I&aos;llresktwo-and-a-halfshedon&aos;tanyway。&aos;
"Thish-yerSmileyhadamare-theboyscalledherthefifteen-minutenag,butthatwasonlyinfun,youknow,becauseofcourseshewasfasterthanthat-andheusedtowinmoneyonthathorse,forallshewassoslowandalwayshadtheasthma,orthedistemer,ortheconsumtion,orsomethingofthatkind。Theyusedtogivehertwoorthreehundredyards&aos;start,andthenassherunderway;butalwaysatthefagendoftheraceshe&aos;dgetexcitedanddeseratelike,andcomecavortingandstraddlingu,andscatteringherlegsaroundlimber,sometimesintheair,andsometimesouttoonesideamongthefences,andkickingum-o-r-edustandraisingm-o-r-eracketwithhercoughingandsneezingandblowinghernose-andalwaysfetchuatthestandjustaboutaneckahead,asnearasyoucouldciheritdown。
"Andhehadalittlesmallbull-u,thattolookathimyou&aos;dthinkhewarn&aos;tworthacentbuttosetaroundandlookorneryandlayforachancetostealsomething。Butassoonasmoneywasuonhimhewasadifferentdog;hisunder-jaw&aos;dbegintostickoutlikethefo&aos;castleofasteamboat,andhisteethwoulduncoverandshinelikethefurnaces。Andadogmighttacklehimandbully-raghim,andbitehim,andthrowhimoverhisshouldertwoorthreetimes,andAndrewJackson-whichwasthenameoftheu-AndrewJacksonwouldneverletonbutwhathewassatisfied,andhadn&aos;texectednothingelse-andthebetsbeingdoubledanddoubledontheothersideallthetime,tillthemoneywasallu;andthenallofasuddenhewouldgrabthatotherdogjestbythej&aos;intofhishindlegandfreezetoit-notchaw,youunderstand,butonlyjustgriandhangontilltheythroweduthesonge,ifitwasayear。Smileyalwayscomeoutwinneronthatu,tillheharnessedadogoncethatdidn&aos;thavenohindlegs,becausethey&aos;dbeensawedoffinacircularsaw,andwhenthethinghadgonealongfarenough,andthemoneywasallu,andhecometomakeasnatchforhisetholt,heseeinaminutehowhe&aos;dsbeenimosedon,andhowtheotherdoghadhiminthedoor,sotoseak,andhe&aos;earedsurrised,andthenhelookedsorterdiscouraged-like,anddidn&aos;ttrynomoretowinthefight,andsohegotshuckedoutbad。HegiveSmileyalook,asmuchastosayhisheartwasbroke,anditwashisfault,foruttinguadogthathadn&aos;tnohindlegsforhimtotakeholtof,whichwashismaindeendenceinafight,andthenhelimedoffaieceandlaiddownanddied。Itwasagoodu,wasthatAndrewJackson,andwouldhavemadeanameforhimselfifhe&aos;dlived,forthestuffwasinhimandhehadgenius-Iknowit,becausehehadn&aos;tnooortunitiestoseakof,anditdon&aos;tstandtoreasonthatadogcouldmakesuchafightashecouldunderthemcircumstancesifhehadn&aos;tnotalent。ItalwaysmakesmefeelsorrywhenIthinkofthatlastfightofhis&aos;n,andthewayitturnedout。
"Well,thish-yerSmileyhadrat-tarriers,andchickencocks,andtomcatsandallthemkindofthings,tillyoucouldn&aos;trest,andyoucouldn&aos;tfetchnothingforhimtobetonbuthe&aos;dmatchyou。Hefetchedafrogoneday,andtookhimhome,andsaidhecal&aos;latedtoeducatehim;andsoheneverdonenothingforthreemonthsbutsetinhisbackyardandlearnthatfrogtojum。Andyoubetyouhedidlearnhim,too。He&aos;dgivehimalittleunchbehind,andthenextminuteyou&aos;dseethatfrogwhirlingintheairlikeadoughnut-seehimturnonesummerset,ormaybeacoule,ifhegotagoodstart,andcomedownflat-footedandallright,likeacat。Hegothimusointhematteroffetchingflies,andke‘himinracticesoconstant,thathe&aos;dnailaflyeverytimeasfurashecouldseehim。Smileyaidallafrogwantedwaseducation,andhecoulddo’mostanything-andIbelievehim。Why,I&aos;veseenhimsetDan&aos;lWebsterdownhereonthisfloor-Dan&aos;lWebsterwasthenameofthefrog-andsingout,‘Flies,Dan&aos;l,flies!’andquicker&aos;nyoucouldwinkhe&aos;dsringstraightuandsnakeaflyoff&aos;nthecounterthere,andflodownonthefloorag&aos;inassolidasagobofmud,andfalltoscratchingthesideofhisheadwithhishindfootasindifferentasifhehadn&aos;tnoideahe&aos;dbeendoin&aos;anymore&aos;nanyfrogmightdo。Youneverseeafrogsomodestandstraightfor&aos;ardashewas,forallhewassogifted。Andwhenitcometofairandsquarejumingonadeadlevel,hecouldgetovermoregroundatonestraddlethananyanimalofhisbreedyoueversee。Jumingonadeadlevelwashisstrongsuit,youunderstand;andwhenitcometothat,Smileywouldanteumoneyonhimaslongashehadared。Smileywasmonstrousroudofhisfrog,andwellhemightbe,forfellersthathadtraveledandbeeneverywheresallsaidhelaidoveranyfrogthatevertheysee。
"Well,Smileyke&aos;thebeastinalittlelatticebox,andheusedtofetchhimdown-townsometimesandlayforabet。Onedayafeller-astrangerinthecam,hewas-comeacrosthimwithhisbox,andsays:
"Whatmightitbethatyou&aos;vegotinthebox?
"
"AndSmileysays,sorterindifferent-like,‘Itmightbeaarrot,oritmightbeacanary,maybe,butitain&aos;t-it&aos;sonlyjustafrog。’
"
"Andthefellertookit,andlookedatitcareful,andturneditroundthiswayandthat,andsays,‘H&aos;m-so&aos;tis。Well,what&aos;shegoodfor?’
"
"‘Well,’Smileysays,easyandcareless,‘he&aos;sgoodenoughforonething,Ishouldjudge-hecanoutjumanyfroginCalaverascounty。’
"
"Thefellertooktheboxagain,andtookanotherlong,articularlook,andgiveitbacktoSmiley,andsays,verydeliberate,&aos;Well,&aos;hesays,‘Idon&aos;tseeno&aos;intsaboutthatfrogthat&aos;sanybetter&aos;nanyotherfrog。’
"
"‘Maybeyoudon&aos;t,’Smileysays。‘Maybeyouunderstandfrogsandmaybeyoudon&aos;tunderstand&aos;em;maybeyou&aos;vehadexerience,andmaybeyouain&aos;tonlyaamature,asitwere。Anyways,I&aos;vegotmyoinion,andI&aos;llreskfortydollarsthathecanoutjumanyfroginCalaverascounty。’
"Andthefellerstudiedaminute,andthensays,kindersadlike,‘Well,I&aos;monlyastrangerhere,andIain&aos;tgotnofrog;butifIhadafrog,I&aos;dbetyou。’
"AndthenSmileysays,‘That&aos;sallright-that&aos;sallright-ifyou&aos;llholdmyboxaminute,I&aos;llgoandgetyouafrog。’Andsothefellertookthebox,andutuhisfortydollarsalongwithSmiley&aos;s,andsetdowntowait。
"Sohesetthereagoodwhilethinkingandthinkingtohimself,andthenhegotthefrogoutandrizedhismouthoenandtookateasoonandfilledhimfullofquail-shot-filledhimrettynearutohischin-andsethimonthefloor。Smileyhewenttotheswamandsloedaroundinthemudforalongtime,andfinallyhefetchedafrog,andfetchedhimin,andgivehimtothisfeller,andsays:
"‘Now,ifyou&aos;reready,sethimalongsideofDan&aos;l,withhisforeawsjustevenwithDan&aos;l&aos;s,andI&aos;llgivetheword。’Thenhesays,&aos;One-two-three-git!andhimandthefellertoucheduthefrogsfrombehind,andthenewfroghoedofflively,butDan&aos;lgiveaheave,andhysteduhisshoulders-so-likeaFrenchman,butitwarn&aos;tnouse-hecouldn&aos;tbudge;hewaslantedassolidasachurch,andhecouldn&aos;tnomorestirthanifhewasanchoredout。Smileywasagooddealsurrised,andhewasdisgustedtoo,buthedidn&aos;thavenoideawhatthematterwas,ofcourse。
"Thefellertookthemoneyandstartedaway;andwhenhewasgoingoutatthedoor,hesorterjerkedhisthumboverhisshoulder-so-atDan&aos;l,andsaysagain,verydeliberate,‘Well,’hesays,‘Idon&aos;tseeno&aos;intsaboutthatfrogthat&aos;sanybetter&aos;nanyotherfrog。’
"SmileyhestoodscratchinghisheadandlookingdownatDan&aos;lalongtime,andatlasthesays,&aos;Idowonderwhatinthenationthatfrogthrow&aos;dofffor-Iwonderifthereain&aos;tsomethingthematterwithhim-he&aos;searstolookmightybaggy,somehow。&aos;AndheketchedDan&aos;lbythenaoftheneck,andheftedhim,andsays,&aos;Whyblamemycatsifhedon&aos;tweighfiveound!&aos;andturnedhimusidedownandhebelchedoutadoublehandfulofshot。Andthenheseehowitwas,andhewasthemaddestman-hesetthefrogdownandtookoutafterthatfeller,butheneverketchedhim。And-
"
[HereSimonWheelerheardhisnamecalledfromthefrontyard,andgotutoseewhatwaswanted。]Andturningtomeashemovedaway,hesaid:
"Justsetwhereyouare,stranger,andresteasy-Iain&aos;tgoingtobegoneasecond。
"
But,byyourleave,IdidnotthinkthatacontinuationofthehistoryoftheenterrisingvagabondJimSmileywouldbelikelytoaffordmemuchinformationconcerningtheRev。LeonidasW。Smiley,andsoIstartedaway。
AtthedoorImetthesociableWheelerreturning,andhebuttonholedmeandrecommenced:
"Well,thish-yerSmileyhadayallerone-eyedcowthatdidn&aos;thavenotail,onlyjustashortstumlikeabannanner,and-
"
However,lackingbothtimeandinclination,Ididnotwaittohearabouttheafflictedcow,buttookmyleave。
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