子浪小说

第32部分（第3页）

Meet…and…greet　on…campus　sessions？　Let　me　tell　you；　there？s　no　better　way　to　be　labeled　a　dork

than　to　fall　for　that　one。　Do　you　really　want　to　get　introduced　to　that　lax　hottie　down　the　hall　with

leaves　in　your　hair　and　bear　poo　smeared　all　over　your

never…before…worn…and…never…to…be…worn…again　North　Face　hiking　boots？　Honestly。　Trust　falls　are

for　losers　without　trust　funds。　You？ve　just　got　to　trust　me　on　this　one！

So　here？s　my　question；　people：　why　can？t　the　deans　figure　out　a　way　to　make　college　orientation

not　a　repeat　of　fifth…grade　summer　camp？　As　usual；　it？s　up　to　me　to　show　those　stuffy　academic

types　the　way。

suggestions　for　making　college　orientation　fun　instead　of　unbearably　loserish

（1）　Bonding　activities。Ban　all　camping　trips；　sightseeing　tours；　or　campus　scavenger

hunts。Nobody　wants　to　be　dragged　around　a　muddy　forest；　sit　in　a　stale…smelling　tour　bus　all　day；

or　check　retardedly　obscure　objects　off　a　list　as　part　of　a　？bonding　experience。？　If　there？s　one

thing　we　know　how　to　do；　it？s　bond。　Just　lead　us　to　an　open　bar　and　leave　us　to　our　own　devices。

（2）　Age　limits。Any　freshmen　wele　event　that　involves　adults？read：　deans；　RAs；　and　other

people　who　will　soon　be　responsible　for　getting　us　in　trouble？is　a　total　killjoy。　IDs　should　be

checked　at　the　door；　and　anyoneover　the　age　of　twenty…one　should　not　be　wele！

（3）　No　more　nametags。They　ruin　every　well…planned　outfit　and　practicallyinvite　skeezy　losers　to

stare　at　your　chest。　If　you？re　cute；　I？ll　tell　you　my　name　before　you　even　ask。

While　the　college　deans　may　not　know　how　to　throw　a　wele　party；　Manhattan　girls　sure

know　how　to　throwgoodbye　parties。　I？m　so　tired　from　last　night？s　festivities　that　if　I　don？t　eat　my

morning　H&H　bagel　（toasted；　please；　with　extra　butter）　soon；　I　may　just　pass　out　on　my　keyboard。

Too　many　vodka　gimlets；　too　many　floral…patterned　silk　wrap　dresses　from　Biba　and　Diane　von

Furstenberg；　and　too　many　cute　boys　wearing　yummy；　sherbet…colored　polo　shirts。　If　there　really

can　be　too　many。　But　the　soiree　all　over　the　gossip　airwaves　is　a　goodbye　blowout　planned　at　the

Met　next　week。　What　better　place　to　saybon　voyage　than　at　one　of　Manhattan？s　most　timeless　and

exclusive　venues？　One　thing？s　for　sure：　when　that　night　finally　rolls　around；　we？ll　all　be　looking

like　works　of　art。

your　e…mail

A：Dear　GG；

I　was　walking　past　the　boat　pond　in　Central　Park　on　Friday　night　when　I　sawN　sitting　on　a　bench

smoking　a　doobie；alone　；　looking　all　worried　about　something。　Does　this　mean　that　he　andB　could

be　over？

？Giddily　Hopeful

A：Dear　GH；

The　yumminess　ofN　is　totally　undeniable；　but　unfortunately　for　all　of　us；　I　don？t　see　him

breaking　free　fromB　？s　siren　song　anytime　soon。　Look　on　the　bright　side？the　city　is　positively

crawling　with　sweaty；　practically　half…naked　boys　in　need　of　a　nice　cool　soak　down。　Remember；

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